RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL—After much contention, the IOC held a hearing yesterday to discuss the potential inclusion of infants and toddlers
in the next Olympic Games. After what seemed like a lengthy 60 seconds, the motion to allow tots the right to participate in the games was vehemently denied.
Weelympics President Jenni Dillard expressed extreme disappointment in the final decision to deny babies the
right to play by pouting and refusing to eat her sweet potato puffs: “It is a sad day for all infants and toddlers alike; a major setback for
the movement of baby inclusion. A full week of training completely wasted.”
In a stirring address to the audience, Weelympian Timmy Johnson said, “Having been training on my Jolly Jumper for over
3 days now, my readiness and desire to participate in the rhythmic gymnastics division was immeasurable.”
After the final announcement, Timmy alongside famed Rocking-horse Equestrian Sarah Crookshank, exited the conference with heavy heads, and more
importantly, heavy hearts.