One can never be too careful when maneuvering through a world of sticky fingers and permanent markers!
That's why we've compiled a list of survival rules that we believe will lend to your already superior child rearing skills. Buckle up!
Survival Rule #1: Invest in some hard-soled slippers.
With today’s toys, the living room can be a battlefield.
Pointy Barbie shoe sticking out of the carpet? Prepare for pain. From Barbie accessories to Lego bits and bobs, are today’s toy manufacturers purposely trying to make their products more camouflaged and more deadly?
That’s why our Parent Survival Rule #1 is to invest in a pair of seriously hard soled slippers.
Hilarious mom blogger ‘Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva’ recounts her treacherous tale of Lego Walking.
Survival Rule #2: Accept that there is NO EASY way to apply sunscreen.
Applying sunscreen is like the apocalypse. Every. Time. Learn to love the pain!
Applying sunscreen on a child is a daunting task, as their noodle-like bodies make it impossible to hold them down. Plus all children are pre-programmed to have a moral adversity to the life-saving lotion.
So before you throw in the towel on sunscreen, remember our Parent Survival Rule #2, and grin and bear it. You may be working against DNA here, but at least you’ve got the right attitude!
Survival Rule #3: It’s ok to make toys you don’t like “disappear”. Especially the creepy ones.
There’s been no proof dispelling the possibility of possessed toys. Don’t risk bringing them into your home!
It may seem that while your child gleefully embraces their new cockeyed baby doll, it is secretly looking into their eyes and stealing their soul. This insidious piece of plastic may even give you nightmares.
Parent Survival Rule #3 says, the best method to cope with terrifying toys is to let your child enjoy their possessed baby for a month or two, and then one dark night donate it to your local toy drive (or lock it in an inescapable box and bury it in the woods).
A prime example of this would be the “Face Bank” (see picture). That face will eat your money and your happiness. BUT it may bring your child immense joy.
Survival Rule #4: Employing your little ones to do chores is a fully natural practice.
Being a parent is a full time job, one which at time to time may require the assistance of a few little employees. THIS IS NOT A CRIME!
Paying your kids with a special treat, for cleaning their rooms or making their beds not only gets the job done, it will also mold your children into delightful little helpers! Embracing Parent Survival Rule #4 is the handiest thing you can do for yourself.
Survival Rule 5: Kids truly do say the darndest things. Remember to not take all of them to heart.
“I hate you” has many meanings to a child - learn to read between the lines!
The dreaded sentence: “I hate you.” It packs a punch when your little one throws it like stones at your devastated face. But please remember, brave soul, they don’t mean it. In fact, they don’t even know what they’re saying... That’s why Parent Survival Rule #5 is so important!